well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
