Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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