nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
