Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
