I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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