I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
