Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
