your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
