You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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