Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
