He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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