Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
