I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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