DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
