paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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