Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
