actually, I'm a sock model
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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