I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
