i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
