you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
