I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
