Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
