the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
