I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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