New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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