Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
