i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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