so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
