sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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