I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
