bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
