it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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