I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
