You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
