If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
