worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
