Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
