The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
