i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
