Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
