My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
