seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
