I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
