im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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