OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
