I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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