I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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