i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
third nipple confirmed
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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