Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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