At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
