it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
