also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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