I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
