I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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