You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
