i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
