Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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