We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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