Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
