Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
