i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
