just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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