I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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